Column | Eat and Drive the Commute Away

Traffic. For those blessed with a penchant for complaining and
commuting, traffic is the greatest woe of modern life.
The way some people speak of the morning commute or the
indignity of driving the kids to soccer practice, one would think the
steering wheel was made of red-hot coals.
So, I’ll begin this column with an appeal to my roadster readers.
Please, please, pretty please — stop complaining about traffic.
We all know its bad. Just deal with it.
    But its getting worse.
    How did this happen? First, everyone from the Midwest moved to
Chicago. Then, they moved to the suburbs. Now, we all sit in traffic
together.
    How to cope?
    For nerds such as myself, audio books provide great relief.
    These educate and entertain the commute.
    Others order satellite radio or amuse themselves by making
faces to passing motorists.
    Some people relish eating food while driving yet disdain fast food
and the notorious “drive-thru.”
    This is quite a dilemma.
    I say “fix a full, proper meal and eat it in the car.”
    Treat yourself well.
    Use fancy silverware and good china as you sit motionless on the
Stevenson at 5:15 p.m.
    Bring along the kids and spouse and have a family dinner in the
SUV en route to the mall.
    An employee of the San Diego Zoo was on Chicago Public
Radio’s “Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me” the other day. Her job is to
transport animals for trips and special appearances.
    This often means driving a chimpanzee somewhere.
    “It’s always amusing to observe the reaction of other drivers when
they see a chimp in the passengers seat,” she laughs. “They
probably go home and tell their family what they saw.”
    This is fine for her. But what about the rest of us? I say take your
pets with you everywhere. Bring the cats, dogs and even goldfish
for a ride to ease the boredom of life behind the steering wheel.
    Now, I personally enjoy the proliferation of the military “hummers”
for civilian expressway usage. However, I figure these paramilitary
vehicles would be bigger sellers if they had rocket launchers and
machine guns attached.
    This armament would assist drivers “running late” and help them
clear traffic jams.
    “Wait just a second!”
    Traffic congestion and sprawl is a serious problem!
    The Texas Traffic Institute has just released their annual traffic
study which ranks Chicago number 2 in the nation in traffic jams.
    “”There is no single solution that can reverse the growth in
congestion” says study author Tim Lomax. “The deliberations in
Congress, decisions by state and local elected officials, the
results of voter initiatives last fall, and our research findings
recognize that reality.”
    Read between the lines. The Texas Traffic Institute studied all
these problems and found no answer. What can I say?
    At least, there is still something to whine about.

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